by Andy Borowitz, THE NEW YORKER – – May 12, 2015:
MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report) – – May 12, 2015:
Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.
The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at a loss as to how to combat them.
“These humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information,” Davis Logsdon, one of the scientists who contributed to the study, said.
“And yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have rendered those faculties totally inactive.”
More worryingly, Logsdon said, “As facts have multiplied, their defenses against those facts have only grown more powerful.”
While scientists have no clear understanding of the mechanisms that prevent the fact-resistant humans from absorbing data, they theorize that the strain may have developed the ability to intercept and discard information en route from the auditory nerve to the brain.
“The normal functions of human consciousness have been completely nullified,” Logsdon said.
While reaffirming the gloomy assessments of the study, Logsdon held out hope that the threat of fact-resistant humans could be mitigated in the future.
“Our research is very preliminary, but it’s possible that they will become more receptive to facts once they are in an environment without food, water, or oxygen,” he said.
(Andy Borowitz is a New York Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for THE NEW YORKER since 1998)
(“You can’t convince a believer of anything….for their belief is not based on evidence.
It’s based on a deeep-seated need to believe” – – – Carl Sagan):
An alarming (and increasing) number of these “anti-Science” folks still seem to refuse not to believe in delusional beliefs, such as:
“The moon landings are hoaxes manufactured by large-scale government collusion”.
“Aliens in UFOs have visited earth but their presence is concealed by the government and malevolent agencies”.
“Trails of particles left by airplanes in the sky (“contrails“) are toxic chemicals (“chemtrails”) sprayed on the whole earth by a secret group intent o destruction and domination”.
“The AIDS virus was constructed in a laboratory and is deliberately used by a secret society as a tool of destruction”.
“Fluoride is added to drinking water by secret government programs in order to exert mind control”.
“Free energy devices successfully create energy out of nothing, but their widespread use is suppressed by powerful conspiracies involving energy companies”.
And the list goes on and on (including “Elvis is alive“).
Yes, the earth is endangered by the new strain of fact-resistant humans!!
Lord help us from these delusional, fact-resistant, anti-Science folks!!!
One thing I must mention is that one’s personal religious beliefs do not come under this category.
Science is science. Religious beliefs are religious beliefs.
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